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  • Writer's picturekimstanfield

Blooming my 'Tea Ball Flower' well!

Learned something vital recently, which made me feel like I had grown emotionally in this decision.

I was always told by my mother growing up that ‘I wear my heart on my sleeve and as much as I didn’t like my mother continually telling me this growing up I also did not like the idea of people reading me so clearly but didn’t know quite how to reverse the situation or even better yet – stop doing it!

Over the last four years, my family and I have been through quite a lot of emotional trauma that a counselor said to me recently – ‘you have been thru more than most people and a lot having gone thru similar would not be able to still function’. So, was I relieved by that? Not really!

My sister and I have been totally supportive of each other, helping where we can in all we do to walk ourselves out the other side with abundant amounts of prayer I might add! Earlier this year we booked ourselves into a weekend Christian Retreat to work on our emotional well-being. This helped us tremendously but also got my sister and me talking thru many other things surrounding all that we have experienced together.

So, all in all, I think that is why the decision I made recently was a huge step forward for me – being proactive, with my Heavenly Father encouraging me to inch forward and be brave to voice my heart and feelings where it was needed.

In a way, I can’t believe it has taken me so long to share my vulnerability, but I read somewhere recently that God will continue to keep taking you around the mountain again and again until we ‘get it’ so that he can move us on!

‘The truth is that we cannot possibly fail any of our tests. We just get to take it again… and again, and again, and again. The Father has infinite patience because He knows that our immaturity will prevent us from reaching and experiencing the highest places in the spirit. He is OK with spending twenty years on a development that could have taken two years to complete. He will not open up the next thing until we have obeyed His commands in the place we are occupying. He does not measure time; He measures growth’ – Graham Cooke ‘Radical Perceptions’ (Ch 13)

So, my last blog on 25/9/22 was on ‘saying YES’ – so if this ‘emotional vulnerability’ I have experienced is me saying ‘Yes Lord’, then I wish to move on so hope & pray that it will be the springboard needed to make that spiritual progress happen!

I probably need to give some context to my recent decision… anxiety! Yep, something that everybody deals with but for me, I am now discovering how I internally cringe and curl up like a ‘Tea Ball Flower blooming’ but in reverse when this feeling overwhelms me. (Any not familiar with the process then please google and you will see how hot water unfurls the flower)

‘Negative feelings and thoughts make us vulnerable to the enemy. Anxiety is tiring and tiresome! Sarcasm, cynicism, and oppositional humor pulls everyone down. When something adverse happens, the first things we think, say, and so tell us everything about our true spiritual condition. When we allow ourselves to become negatively intended, we become like the enemy. When our mind is renewed, we destroy speculations and bring every thought captive to the obedience of Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5-6)’ – Graham Cooke ‘Radical Perceptions

In choosing to move forward I would like to respond better and bring myself into line with what it is that my heavenly father sees for me and not feel the way I do around others when these situations overwhelm me. Being able to have the strength and capacity to share upfront truthfully when the situation arises is my current biggest personal challenge.

15 But speaking the truth in love [in all things—both our speech and our lives expressing His truth], let us grow up in all things into Him [following His example] who is the Head—Christ. – Eph 4:15 AMP

On this newly discovered trajectory, it is still quite unfamiliar, so treading this path with caution brings with it some uncertainty and I am really looking forward to learning to ‘swim’ (analogy) with it eagerly as I do with many other areas of my physical and spiritual walk. Breathing with confidence for all that the Lord has for me is my heart’s desire.

I wish to do all my relationships with others well and also enjoy quality time with them so getting anxious for whatever reason then cuts that quality time down and I don’t want that any longer – don’t have enough time left to waste!

‘..we will be able to run life’s marathon race with passion and determination, for the path has been already marked out before us.’ – Hebrews 12:1 TPT


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